Hater Jueves: Racist Halloween Costumes

It still amazes me how people insist on pulling off the most offensive costumes. How can people wear these things and not feel a tinge of guilt? It's all sorts of incorrect and tasteless. You all may have heard of the disgusting "Illegal Alien" costume that Target was peddling. I was so apalled when I heard about it. It reminded me of the "Border Babe" costume I saw a couple of years ago.
Ridiculous! You might as well crop KKK regalia and dye it pink (to keep it "feminine" of course). After dealing with border patrol during my trip to Mexico, I hate this costume more than ever.
The same goes for people who dress up as Geishas, Pocahontas, Tiger Lily, Brown dudes in ponchos & sombreros, or anything else that represents an ethnic group.

Daily Dose of Laughter:

Watch this and laugh! I would've wanted the guy in the dog suit to be my prom date! Pop'n'lock pooch!

Dog vs. Man: Dance Battle - watch more funny videos

Style Icon: Joan Holloway

I've already professed my love for the 60's inspired clothing on Mad Men, but I'm still not done. I'm not sure if I ever will be! This post is mostly dedicated to the awesomeness that is Joan Holloway. Everything she does is perfect- a hair is never out of place! Below are some dresses I lust after and wish I had in my closet. I ask myself: What Would Joan Wear? I think every working-woman/stylish transvestite should ponder this. My goal in life is to channel her energy and confidence...then I remember she's a fictional character.

Catch Joan in action below in this short clip:

Phone Home!

I think for Christmas I want my own landline. I probably won't use it much, but I like the option of having a vintage or novelty phone. They need to make a comeback! After having an iPhone for so long, I sometimes miss having buttons (I'm lame, I know this). Don't get it twisted though, I ain't down with rotary phones. That ALF phone below? I'm into it. FYI.

Trend I Wish I Could Pull Off: Bows

Along with many people, I've been swept by the bow craze myself. However, when I wear one I look like I'm 15 years old. I bought a bow headband, but it just doesn't feel right. It's a tricky accessory! Perhaps if it was paired with something less
"girly" like boots or a bomber jacket. (Image "borrowed" from OK's website)

What does $cruz want?

Since I've been watching all these make-up tutorials I want cooler make-up. Here are a few things I see in my future:

56 Piece Blush & Eye Shadow Palette by Coastal Scents

$19.95

True Black Gel Liner by Coastal Scents

$6.95

(I'd also love Clinique's True Black cream liner, but it's a bit more expensive)

Now this isn't make-up but it looks like something fun to try.

LA Girl Matte Flat Finish Nail Color

$4.00 each @ Cherry Culture

Halloween Ideas?

Marb$ and I were discussing Halloween the other day. We both aren't as free and independent as we once were, but we can't let that be a damper on our festivities! We said that we were young 23 year olds and had to do something epic for Halloween because it's on a Saturday!!! So if you have suggestions let us know!

Halloween is a fun time of year to play with make-up. One can get away with looking like a total clown/whore and it's all for the fun of Halloween. So lately during my youtube watching time, I have looked at different tutorials (hair and make-up for Halloween). I already let the blog know about Kandee. But it's always fun to see different types of looks done by different individuals.

So here is a new person: Petrilude. A fierce male who does fierce make-up. He is the one who does the amazing eyebrow tutorial that I thought I lost! He's been doing some great Halloween tutorials. If you need some ideas, take a look!

Broken Doll Tutorial

Human Bean

It's nice to treat yourself to a delish coffee here and there. I've been meaning to blog about this place since this past summer, but I finally got around to it! Back in the summer my sister and I made our way to the Oregon coast and I really wanted some coffee. We stopped at a little drive-up place: The Human Bean. I had seen this place in Roseburg before, but I had never tried it. I figured that all these drive-up places tasted like Dutch Bros. (dirt water). To my surprise it was amazing!

Drink of choice: Iced Caramel Hazelnut Mocha

I googled their locations and found one in the Portland-metro area, near where I live. This place isn't so much for your daily coffee fix, more of a place for a little treat. I need to get out of the Starbucks world every now and again. My lovely sister bought me one today so I had to share. Love you hermana!

Maury gets told!

It's a sunny afternoon here in Hood River, OR. The leaves are gold and the day looks inviting. Instead of enjoying the day, I've decided to stay holed up in my room watching YouTubes. For you all of course. ;)
I ran across this "Wild Teen" episode and had to share it because it was entertaining. This girl named Aaliyah (how dare she be named that!) is doing everything she can to get pregnant. She also plans on fitting her baby in Rocawear, LRG, and Coogi. I'm pretty certain these lines dont make baby clothes, but I like her ambition. My favoite part of this clip is when she tells Maury to, "shut up". He's such a softy and does nothing! What an idiot! I lost some respect for Maury.




P.S. Does anyone else think this girl looks like Master P? Or is that just me?

Secret Crush: Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez

Alex on Ghostwriter (yes, the kid's show) was my secret boo in elementary school. He was the cutest sleuth to hit the mean streets of Brooklyn. If he wasn't out with his gang solving crimes and teaching kids how to read, he was out playin' b-ball or helping his papa with his mercado. Que muchacho tan bueno! You could take him home to abuelita since he was such a square bear. He seems like the type to sign an abstinence pledge. Regardless of whether he did or not, Alex was no stranger to the Latino "casanova stereotype" (we see this theme reinforced even on a kid's TV show). Watch Alex lay down the mack-sauce real thick on Tina:

Tina, why did you always deny his advances? Don't be dumb! Go with it...don't act like you don't want to.

Halloween Make-Up Tutorials

I've mentioned Kandee Johnson before. She is an amazing make-up artist. Since September she has being doing different Halloween looks. All of them are so amazing! She is crazy talented. She shows you how to do the make-up and how to be creative with what you have in order to complete the look.



Take a look at her blog and/or youtube channel to see how she does it!

More TRUE LIFE Ahead!

Take a look at the new shows coming up!
They are casting these now!!!

TRUE LIFE: I'M LOSING MY SIGHT

TRUE LIFE: I'M IN A BLENDED FAMILY

TRUE LIFE: I'M A SECRET STRIPPER

TRUE LIFE: I HAVE HAIR I DON'T WANT

TRUE LIFE: I CAN'T HAVE SEX

TRUE LIFE: I'M GOING ON ALTERNATIVE SPRING BREAK

TRUE LIFE: I'M PASSING

TRUE LIFE: I'M COMING OUT TO MY TEAM

TRUE LIFE: I HATE MY ROOMMATE

TRUE LIFE: I'M NOT AS HOT AS MY PARTNER

TRUE LIFE: I'M LOOKING FOR MY CHILD

TRUE LIFE: I HATE MY PLASTIC SURGERY

TRUE LIFE: I'm Clashing With My Parents

TRUE LIFE: I CAN'T DISCONNECT

TRUE LIFE: I'M DATING SOMEONE WHO HAS AN ADDICTION

TRUE LIFE: I'M AT A CROSSROADS IN MY RELATIONSHIP

TRUE LIFE: I HAVE DATING DRAMA

More info here!

Hater Jueves: Shakira

I never thought I'd see the day when I would hate on Shakira. Her CD's Pies Descalzos and Donde Estan Los Ladrones were some of the first I ever bought and loved. In my eyes, she could do no wrong. Flash forward 12 years and we've got this She-Wolf/Loba shit she's peddling. The song is not good and the video is traumatizing. No human being should ever move like that. It's like she's a rabid mermaid and an epileptic all in one. In an interview I saw in Mexico, she said she didn't need a choreographer, all the "dancing" was spontaneous. Really? You don't say...

I'm not buying this electro-dance thing she's crafted. We share a birthday, Shakira, and you are giving February 2nd birthdays a bad name. Stop it! Stick to your acoustic-rock roots and for the love of god, dye your hair black Shakira.

Pitbull FAILS :(

You all know Pitbull is an IHST club-banger fave. We like most of the stuff he cranks out and is featured on. Unfortunately, he has decided to make mediocre music with J.Lo, Jennifer Lopez, or I'm sorry "Lola" as she wants to be called now. That's right, she has created an alter ego just like Beyonce with Sasha Fierce. Girl, you ain't no Sasha Fierce! You will forever be J.Lo, you loca! Listen to the HORRIBLE song below. It's called Fresh Out the Oven:


Pitbull also decided to join forces with Paulina Rubio for a remix of her song Ni Rosas Ni Juguetes. I'm not gonna front like I didn't like the original, because I did while I was in Mexico. (Check the Original Here). This remix is a hot pile of mess. A hippopata-mess because it's hugely dissapointing.

HATER JUEVES: People who stare

Before I begin, I know I'm guilty of this from time to time, but there is a way of being slick about it as opposed to having your eyes dry out of your head.



I ride Trimet all the time now. I have no car, plus trying to drive downtown is a mess. In the morning I get on the MAX right during a peak 'I'm going to work' hour. It gets crazy packed. I use all of my body stregth to not go sliding everywhere. Every time I get on the MAX people look and see who the next bunch of people are and then they go onto reading or looking at the ground. But sometimes there are a select few who just stare at you! The kind where you look them in the eyes back and they still don't stop. There are also the types who look you up and down and have judgement in their eyes, this is usually by similiar aged women my age. Why has society put women up against each other at all times?! Then there are the creepy man types. They look at you like they haven't eaten in 3 days and you're the main course. It's so uncomfortable.

This is such a HATER JUEVES topic because it literally drives me insane. I'm so irratable in the morning as it is, it's the last thing I need to be upset about. I wish everyone wore sunglasses all the time.

I know I should just get over it, I'm working on it.

IHST @ the Blazer Game

A goal that Marb$ and I set for ourselves back in the day was that we wanted to attend a Blazer game. We all know that I get my butch on and heart basketball especially the Blazers. Well we had the opportunity to go to a pre-season game on Sunday, Blazers vs. The Denver Nuggets. If you are one of the four who actually reads our tweets you would know this.

We were super far but we were able to see everything, there really isn't a bad seat in the house. It was just a very exciting and cool thing to be at a live basketball game. I got to see Brandon Roy! I'm such a fan! I was super bummed though because my other favorite player, Señor Rudy Fernandez wasn't there. Therefore, I must go to another game this season.

Picture from our seats:

So Marb$ and $cruz went out into the real world and totally Portland-ed it up. Fun times for sure.

BTW, they won. They won because I was there.

Working Girl Likes This

Did I mention I have an actual job now? I took what I could get and I'm having a pretty good time. I have found a job that is a bit flexible and I don't have to look like a complete 8-5 bore! I ride public transportation and see person after person with the identical outfit on, same face on, same worry on. I want to be free from this as long as possible!

I'm on the topic because I found a great picture the other day while doing an Office Depot order (I got me a stapler). Look at the woman down below. She loves working so much she gave it a thumbs up.


What is this photo trying to convey? You be the judge. My thoughts? She just slept her way to the top and now she is an executive at a moist toilette company. I don't trust her blond highlights. I'm such a woman hater.

Hater Jueves: Facebook Friend Deleters

No, it isn't Thursday, but I've decided to hate since we haven't done so the last couple of weeks. We're sorry about that. Lucky for you all, I found a topic we can all relate to: Facebook Friend Deletion. People are funny and stupid sometimes. I like how they think they are making some sort of statement by deleting people from their facebook. Actions can say more than words. Facebook deletion can be interpreted as the following:

• "I haven't spoken to you in a long time, what's the point of reading your status updates?"


• "You probably know my mom, I don't want you seeing me tagged in pictures with my lame friends playing beer pong."


• "You're a psycho ex and I dont want you to know about my life"


• "I don't like you anymore and me deleting you means that I want you to know this"

Now, the first three bullet points make sense, but the last one is the point that makes me laugh the most. These people delete others in hopes of trying to make their deleted friends feel bad. If anything, it backfires and makes them look like losers. They took the time and energy to FIND you on facebook and go through the process of deleting. Instead of doing that, why don't they just come up to you and say exactly how they feel about you? Keep it real.

The cherry that tops this mess is when the significant other of the person that deleted you deletes you too. It's like they combined their loser-forces and tag-teamed you by surprise. I'm sure they also hi-fived and said someting along the lines of, "Yeah! Now when she signs on, she'll see she is missing not one, but two friends! That'll show her!" I'm sure that while this happens, these two are wearing matching sweat pants since they've let themselves go. That's just what losers do.

So be a winner and learn proper facebook etiquette. If you don't like someone anymore, either you confront them about it, or let their status updates fade into obscurity and wait for THEM to delete you. Don't be an animal salvaje, didn't your mother teach you right?

Fall TV 2009

I'm back to my TV watching ways. After a "stint" in college where I had no cable, I now live at my sister's home where there is TV...HD TV at that. I already spoke about one new fall show already, but I need to share my love for 3 more!

Modern Family

Wednesdays @ 9pm on ABC

I fell in love with this show instantly. With so many comedy shows out there right now how does this one stand out? The cast fits really well, they all click and their comedic timing is perfect. This show never misses a beat, it stays true to life (the drama-rama of family life) as well as being uber hilarious (everyone's family is hilarious in their own way).

I have to say I love Mitchell and Cameron, the gay couple with a newly adopted daughter. They are amazing together, their scenes are always hilarious.

Fun Clip: Mitchell and Cameron <3

CHECK OUT EPISODES ON HULU!

Community

Thursdays @ 8pm on NBC

I sat and watched this show in one sitting, well I watched until the most current episode. The premise of this show is funny in itself, a suspended lawyer goes back to school after being discovered that his degree isn't from Columbia the school rather Colombia the country. The show's cast is a mix of quirky "community college" types: old guy, mom, ex-pill popper, fresh out of high school jock, foreign kid, and a few more. This show has sass and NBC type of humor (think The Office and 30 Rock). This show is an A+.

Fun Clip: Abed & Troy freestyle

(note: all the students are in the same Spanish class)

CHECK OUT EPISODES ON HULU!

Glee

Wednesdays @ 9pm on FOX

I saved the best for last. This show is pretty EPIC! It has a great mix of music, color, fun, and cheeeeeese! I heart cheestastic shows for sure. If singing alone in your car to Whitney Houston was manifested into a show mixed with some fierce attitude and maybe some glitter, it would be Glee. Some people close to me knew that I would love this show. How do they know this? Oh that's right, I have the soul of a gay man. This show is just fun to watch, a little musical treat every week.

Fun Clip: It's My Life/Confessions Mash-up, one of my favs!

CHECK OUT EPISODES ON HULU!

Mix-Great Musica

Unfortunately, Imeem has decided to be a total d-bag and NOT allow embedding of full songs. This has made life less awesome and Mix-Great Monday is in danger. Not all songs are on YouTube and they face legal issues as well. Anyway, here are some jams I am into at the moment. Enjoy them :)


1. The XX- Shelter (Them Jeans Edit)

The lyrics of this song are very simple and beautiful. I don't usually connect with lyrics since I gravitate more to beats and sounds, so this is a big deal. This is a small glimpse of what makes my soul feel good.

2. Little Boots- Stuck On Repeat

I tried to write off Little Boots as a Lady Gaga rip-off and force myself to not like her. I can't help myself! She really isn't a Lady Gaga rip-off, her music is different and she has a softer quality to her. One of the main reasons I didnt want to delve into Little Boots' music was because Perez Hilton liked her. I have to accept the fact that I like music that gay Cuban hipsters like as well. There, I said it.

Men That Don't Keep it Bomb #1

We've decided to create a new category for posts tonight: "Men That Don't Keep it Bomb." These posts will focus on various things men do that we find repulsive. We were on the subject of the newsboy caps and we got the ball rolling. If men follow all of these things we consider "not bomb", they will be leading a long life filled with celibacy- not by choice. So if you are a priest, go on with your bad self and indulge in the following because we don't want you anyway.

1. Douchey Facial HairJafar from Aladdin is the founding father of douchey-line-ups and grotesque facial hair according to Stefanie. There is nothing "hot" about hair on your chin that looks like a bikini wax. Beards can also tread a fine-line of gross or awesome. A patchy Rick-Ross-beard that you can lose a toothpick in is not bomb. We here at IHST do love facial hair when it is executed properly.

2. Gold Chains

Everything in this picture is wrong. Camo pants? That's wrong. Arrogant stance? Not correct. Gold Chain? Double wrong. If you arent being ironic and if it doesn't have some religious relevance, why bother? I'm sure it will turn your neck green in the shower anyway.

We hope this post was enlightening and eduational. Until next time...

Newsboy Caps: Still An Ugly Look!

While living at home, I became re-acquainted with an old love of mine: The Simpsons. I forgot how hilarious it could be! After watching that famous episode where Homer delibrately gains weight to get on disability, I was reminded of how loser-like those newsboy caps are (click here to see what we mean). No man can make this hat "work". It is a Marble$ and $Cruz repellant.

Style Icon: The Ladies of Heathers

Heathers is my shit. It's like the OG Mean Girls, but with death and hilarious one-liners. Unlike Mean Girls, the ladies of Heathers had it goin' on in the style department. Colorful opaque tights, hats, stripes, and shoulder pads? Yes, please. It's like watching Dynasty Jr. My favorite was Winona Ryder's character Veronica Sawyer. Girlfriend worked her designated shade of blue and the oversized vests and jackets. Take a look at the trailer below! If you love dark comedies and want to watch the movie, someone found it in their heart to upload it to YouTube! (Click here for Part 1)

Winkers

For my birthday!!!

Ricki Lake- You Give Gays a Bad Name!

I have found you all another amazing Ricki Lake episode. First off, let me tell you that Ricki be lookin' mighty fierce in this episode. Her style is like Dita Von Teese meets the 90's- it makes me want to grow my bangs out! That's how bomb she looks! Second, my hats off to Ricki for encouraging this sort of dialogue on her show. What is "gay"? How does one act "gay"? What is deemed acceptable by other "gays"? However, Ricki brought together three white gay comedians to be the judges on what is "acceptable gay behavior". This is a problem because it looks as though we must look at white gay culture as the "right way". I'm not down with telling people to tone it down or restraining themselves. This just adds to the notion that people of color are too loud and gay people need to become quieter and invisible . I could write an entire essay on this episode alone since I am a Cultural Studies nerd. It's just that we have to be critical sometimes so we do not reinforce oppressive ideas and behaviors. That is all.

Now sit back and enjoy the diva-attitude I so wish to hone one day! Love us and thank us later!


PART 2
PART 3
Part 4
Part 5

Style Icon: Gloria Trevi- The Early Years

It seems to me (based on experience) that every gay man has his "DIVA" that he looks up to. I've told Stefanie several times that if I were a gay man, my diva would be Gloria Trevi. During her early years, her clothing and on-stage antics were insane. I'd watch her perform and I would be in awe and slightly scared at the same time. Her massive mane and her colorful ripped clothes were her trademark. Her music was very controversial and politcally charged which is why I love it! Sure, she may have had a stint in prison due to allegations of her mistreating and sexually abusing girls with her then ex-husband Sergio Andrade, but she made quite the comeback! I don't condone this sort of behavior, but I'm not going to act like her music isn't bomb. Because it is.

Dr. Psiquiatra is one of my favorite jams. I'm sure you assumed it would be Pelo Suelto, but you thought wrong. I wish I could get crazy like this- pelvic thrusts and all!

I'd like to think she would wear all of this.

Lamebook

I've been reading lamebook.com enteries and I am dying from laughter. Tears almost came out from laughing so hard! Some people are really stupid and post the most hilarious stuff on Facebook. Here are some doozies that I enjoyed:

Don Draper- Most Influential Man of 2009

According to a survey conducted by AskMen.Com, Don Draper, a fictional character on Mad Men, is the most influential man of 2009 (Click here to see the list). That's right, Don "mutha-effin" Draper. Not Obama. Not Lance Armstrong. A made-up character that isn't even real! We at IHST whole-heartedly agree with this decision. He is charming, dapper, confident, and regal- like an eagle soaring through the sky.

If you haven't watched Mad Men, you need to get with the program.

Smart Shorties!

On my way to Portland, I heard a commercial for, "Smart Shorties" on the radio. Apparently some teacher from Atlanta (or "Hotlanta" for some) replaced the lyrics to songs on the radio with multiplacation facts. It sounded unbelievably dorky. I'm sure it works, but shit like that is corny and makes me cringe. Ugh, it reminds me of the D.A.R.E programs in schools (that do NOT work) and how I HATED when they would do some anti-drug rap. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die from how lame it was.


Kids can now learn math while simultaneously learning how to grind on each other. Awesome.

Keepin it Real Resume: Marb$ Edition

Since I've been back from Mexico, my time is split up between job finding and watching LOTS of television. I've written so many cover letters and straight up lied "enhanced" my resume so much I'm ready to go cross-eyed. Stefanie and I were discussing what our REAL resume's would look like if we told the truth and exposed our hidden talents. Below, you will find what I call the, "Keepin' it Real Resume: Marb$ Edition"

Maribel M.

Address: My parent's house

Phone: The one my parent's pay for

E-mail: contactus@iheartshinythings.com

Objective: To find a job that will allow me to blog at work and pay for my single-girl lifestyle. I'm mostly interested in more clothes, shoes, and accessories. I also can't stand living at home. Help me.

Past Experience: retail and student worker-type jobs. I'm really good at phony voices, forced smiles, and pretending I care about customers.

Skills Include:

Languages:

• Proficient in English and Spanish, but I enjoy using Spanglish because I'm good at ruining two languages at once.
• I also use Spanish to talk behind the backs of non-Spanish speakers.
• Also fluent in Talking Shit and I can carry a conversation based off of quotes from movies such as: Can't Hardly Wait, Mean Girls, and Selena.

Media: Television/Radio/Film

• I have basic singing skills learned from years of singing along to the radio and vocal training acquired in Stefanie's Ford Escort.
• Can perform the Kid'N'Play dance with Stefanie
• Can sing the "Full House" and "Family Matters" theme songs
• I will latch on to a telenovela and keep up until the end (this displays commitment)
• I watched so much Mad Men that I started to blend reality with television and thought I worked on Madison Avenue too became a historian on the 1960's
• Can name all 9 members of the Wu-Tang Clan and all 5 members of the Spice Girls

Computer Skills:

• Basic photoshop- I do have the ability to create compromising photos which creates laughter.
• MS Paint
• Hating on people who play Farmville on Facebook
• Downloading entire albums off of rapidshare and other blogs
• YouTube
• Facebook, Myspace, but Twitter is still hard.
• Pandora

Other Skills

• Daydreaming
• Picking up things with my feet
• Keeping up with the Kardashians
• I can make meals on the George Foreman Grill
• Dodging the rain
• Dancing while under the influence
• Saving friends from making mistakes while they're under the influence
• Looking fly on a budget

Do you <3 Ramen?

I had to take a picture of this! Even my family in Mexico was apalled at the new flavor offered by the people who make top ramen. I swear, only in Sonora "El Estado de la Carne Asada"

Flashy New-ish American Apparel Jacket.

There was an American Apparel swapmeet at Arizona State University the day I left Phoenix! A friend went in my place and I got hooked up with the flashy'n'fresh jacket you see above. I feel like one of those grandmas that hits up the dollar-slots in Las Vegas or an even gayer C3P0. In the I Heart Shiny Things handbook, that's a good thing!